The 10 Fights You'll Have After Baby

While a newborn is rightly billed as a bundle of joy, two things can be true simultaneously: For many couples, a new baby is also a powder keg for conflict, as they are forced to evaluate and negotiate how their latest addition will affect life moving forward.

Between sleep deprivation, a lack of quality time with your partner, a steep learning curve, plus a brand new, intense love and all the pressure that comes with it — fights are practically inevitable. “Understanding the influx of new responsibilities can feel overwhelming and exhausting,” says psychologist and Duality Psychological Services founder Joel Frank, Psy.D., who says it's pretty common for new fathers to feel emotionally neglected.

It’s easy to understand how and why couples can start fighting more after a baby is added to the equation, so some dads who have been there (and a couple of experts) shared some of the classic fights they had after a new baby. If you find yourself in any of these as you navigate the turbulent emotional waters of new parenthood, just know you aren't alone.

1. The Sports Fight

“I didn’t grow up to be a huge football fan, but I fell in love with the whole game-day experience when I went to college. It wasn’t a first kid fight because getting a sitter for one kid or bringing her along was easy enough. Things started to get tense when our second baby arrived, and after our third was born a couple of months before football season started a few years back, my wife was over the idea of dedicating multiple Saturdays each year — and it really is a full-day experience — to football. I dug my heels in for a couple of seasons but eventually realized that attending one marquee game each year with my college buddies and catching the rest on TV is a better fit for family life.” — Eric, 35, Michigan

2. The Middle of the Night Fight

“I’m a sound sleeper. I work long days at a physically taxing job, so once I’m out for the night, I’m out cold. My wife became increasingly sleep-deprived after our baby was born because I wasn’t waking up in the middle of the night to help with feeding and diaper changes, and my initial responses were way too defensive when she asked me to be more involved. In hindsight, I wish I would have been more empathetic and creative in helping out before it got to that point.” — Jason, 42, Arizona

3. The Intimacy Fight

“It's not unusual for a doctor to say after childbirth, ‘Take six weeks to heal, then you're cleared to have sex again.’ However, many couples are still struggling to have sex months, or even years, after the baby arrives. One apparent reason is that babies seem to sense when you're about to get intimate and choose that moment to start wailing. But there are other reasons, too. Mom is learning to navigate her new body, which may come with fear or shame about its changes. Many moms are in constant care and feeding mode, leaving little to no energy to lavish sexual attention on their partners. Her hormones are rioting, which may leave her craving different types of attention and touch. Meanwhile, her partner is counting down to six weeks, expecting everything to return to how it was before, and feeling resentful if that doesn’t happen.” — Leah Carey, Sex and Relationship Coach and host of the podcast Good Girls Talk About Sex

4. The Happy Hour Fight

“Before kids, regular Friday happy hours with my co-workers were a thing. They started to hit a little differently after having a baby because my wife was ready for me to be home and present after she had been home with a newborn all week. Not only did coming home late and with a couple of cocktails in me go over poorly, but my sense of entitlement after working hard all week without recognizing her hard work at home was communicated poorly in my buzzed state.” — Jackson, 29, New York

5. The Cooking Fight

“I took paternity leave after my wife returned to work, so our baby wasn’t a newborn when I started staying home. She transitioned from three to two naps per day, which was a different stay-at-home experience than my wife had. She was able to prep meals during maternity leave, but there were days I felt like I needed her to help get dinner on the table — or take the baby when she got home so I could focus on cooking —which regularly created evening tension.” — Dez, 34, Georgia

6. The Jobs Fight

“The arrival of a new baby often prompts parents to reassess their priorities, including career ambitions, which can lead to differing opinions on what's best for the family. Career sacrifices often become a point of contention, especially if one partner feels compelled to put their career on hold while the other continues to thrive. Personal fulfillment and identity tied to career achievements can also lead to arguments if a new parent feels their professional aspirations are unsupported. Traditional gender roles and societal expectations can also impact these discussions, often causing friction if expectations and realities don't align.” — Joel Frank, Psy.D., Duality Psychological Services

7. The Video Games Fight

“It turns out that throwing on headphones and losing myself in an intense multi-player firefight wasn’t conducive to great parenting or being a supportive partner. I got pretty pouty when I felt like my ‘me time’ was getting encroached on by all that a new baby requires, which in turn made my partner feel undervalued and like I was dragging my feet to embrace fatherhood.” — Eli, 30, North Carolina

8. The Money Fight

“Having a new baby coincided with buying a bigger house and a bigger car in addition to all the expenses of raising a child. It was a big change all at once, and I was slow to adapt my discretionary spending. I honestly didn’t pay much attention to our checking account before having kids and was slow to adapt after our first child was born. That made for some heated arguments as my wife felt the pressure of watching our checking account shrink faster than I anticipated it would.” — Jason, 34, Maryland

9. The Parenting Styles Fight

“One issue that can lead to disagreements is overall style of parenting. When one parent is very involved, they can blame the forgotten parent who feels cornered as a secondary parent. But the style of parenting and if one parent takes on the primary role early on doesn’t imply that one loves or cares or is more responsible for the child.” — Scott Levin, Esq., Attorney-Mediator CDFA at San Diego Divorce Mediation & Family Law

10. The In-laws Fight

“We used to make the rounds to different family member’s homes around the holidays. But after we had our second baby, I was ready to slow things down and establish smaller family traditions. Getting out of the house was hectic enough, but making our way to multiple Thanksgiving meals was too much. My husband’s family put a lot of pressure on us to keep things the same, which started to drive a wedge between my husband and me as we negotiated a new holiday schedule.” — Jaquelline, 38, Colorado