The Most Absurd Fight We’ve Had, According to 16 Married People

Not all fights are created equal. While some fights in marriage are serious and worth talking through, others are way more ridiculous, illogical, and, eventually, hilarious to remember. They’re often irrational and silly — and for new parents or otherwise overworked people, stress plays a huge role in the fights they have. Yes, married couples love each other. But sometimes, the laundry doesn’t get folded right, someone doesn’t drip right in the bathroom, or someone freaks out over a Taco Bell order. These blow outs, while serious at first, become legends, spoken of, after enough time has passed, with a laugh. Here, 16 couples mention the most ridiculous arguments they’ve ever had with their spouses.

The Wet Bathroom Floor Incident

“I got into a big fight with my wife once because I drip too much on the bathroom floor and she was uncharacteristically annoyed about it because she walked in as I was drying off and expressed her annoyance with it. I always wipe the floor down but that morning she came in before I could wipe it up. She suggested I need to wait extra time in the tub or use the swimmer wipe down before exiting the shower. I said that’s insane. Air dry baby! We both would not back down and I believe I yelled “Let me drip wherever I want!” which is just an insane sentence to yell. “— Jason, 35, New York

The Taco Bell Blowout

“We had an argument about Taco Bell over the holidays. Turns out, the argument was really about not having time to go food shopping, let alone time to prepare a healthy meal for the family. But, my solution to the no food issue in the fridge issue was to go shopping for food. My husband’s was to bring home Taco Bell for the family. The kids were thrilled. Mom, not so much. I was hungry but had also vowed never to eat Taco Bell again after visiting a particularly dirty Taco Bell restroom years ago on a road trip. I did not partake in the Taco Bell eating fest that night. We do laugh about the silliness of that argument now.” — Heidi, 44, Texas

More Dogs

“One time my wife found a dog on the street. I told her we weren’t going to keep the dog, and to not bring it home. I said, ‘Don’t you bring that dog home.’ She said: ‘Okay, pulling in now.’ She had the dog. We ended up keeping it. Now we have three dogs.” — Graham, 29, Texas

The Clementine Quarrel

“Every fight I’ve ever had with a significant other has occurred in a grocery store. Something about the synthetic lighting and the stress of deciding what’s ripe makes it a perfect place to disagree. You’ll be glad to hear that my wife has kept my grocery store fight streak alive. We once spent an entire shopping trip disagreeing about whether you could call clementines ‘small oranges.’ I argued that the clementine is it’s own fruit. Her rejoinder: ‘When you say small oranges, people know what you’re talking about. You don’t have to call them clementines.’ Like all fights, I’m probably remembering it wrong, and she’s going to email me the real version when this story comes out.” — Evan, 31, New York

The Placenta Disagreement

“We fought about keeping my placenta from my first born in the freezer. My husband was pro placenta and I was anti. He brought it home from the birth center and I had no idea until like two weeks later. He really wanted me to eat it or drink it in a smoothie. I just could not. I told him he could eat it if he really wanted. It was basically us in our kitchen, him holding a frozen bag of freaking placenta telling me that I won’t even taste it in a smoothie and me getting so upset because ‘mood swings are perfectly normal post pregnancy and it doesn’t mean I need to eat my own body!’ He stopped harassing me about eating it but then anytime I would clean out the freezer he wouldn’t let me throw it out and we even moved homes and he took it with him to our new place. I just threw it out this week. He doesn’t know yet.” — Tammy, 23, Texas

The Motorcycle “Surprise”

“My husband always wanted a motorcycle, and I didn’t want him to get one. But I finally caved, and immediately after that, he flew to Houston without telling me during the day and came back with a motorcycle before I could change my mind. He never even said he wasn’t going to work that day. He bought the motorcycle to “surprise” me.” — Joan, 56, Texas

Let’s Just Not Eat, Then

“Without any doubt, the most ridiculous fight my partner and I used to get into (on a fairly regular basis) was the “what do you want for dinner” debate. We would regularly argue about this, and even reach a point of saying ‘Okay, I guess we won’t eat dinner tonight.’ When framed in comparison to other problems in the world and in retrospect, this is definitely one of the most ridiculous classic couples arguments you can engage in. If you’re not craving the same thing for dinner, you can simply whip up a variety or grab different takeout. The fact that we lived in NYC with limitless options makes this an even worse confession and perhaps more ridiculous.”— Beverly, 30, New York

The Spicy Food Fight

“It’s very petty. It happened while I was pregnant. I was craving for spicy food, however, I was forbidden to eat spicy food because it was acidic. I cried buckets, and I kept telling my husband how I felt so unloved. I guess he forgot I was pregnant, he got pissed off. He walked out. After five minutes, he went back saying, ‘Honey, I think I forgot something. You’re pregnant. Don’t listen to your hormones.’ And I was like, ‘Oh yeah. Right.’” — Pratibha, 33, New York

The Pork Chop Disagreement

“Not too long ago, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to cut up his pork chops for him. No joke. He was on his way home from work and called me on the way to ask me about dinner. When I told him I’d made pork chops, he said, ‘Oh good. Will you cut them up for me so I can eat them fast?’ My eyes nearly rolled into the back of my head. Normally, I’m pretty accommodating, but cutting up a grown man’s food for him while feeding, cleaning up after, etc., three kids was a bit much. I honestly figured he wouldn’t mind that I didn’t do it, but he was genuinely irritated. We fought for about 15 minutes and he spent the rest of the night giving me the silent treatment. Now, whenever he asks something that’s coming close to the outrageous line, I ask him if he wants me to cut up his pork chops too.” — Brianna, 28, Iowa

The Cleaning Conundrum

“We had a 3,000 square foot home at one point. I was off from work and school and decided to give the house an A-Z cleaning. From lawn work to to the kitchen sink. I began at 7 a.m. and finished at about 4 p.m. The very last thing I did was the lawn. I even cooked. I am very bad at cooking, but I wanted to surprise my then-girlfriend, now wife, when she got home at 5:30pm with an absolutely spotless home, manicured lawn, and a nice dinner. Since the grass was the last thing I did, I walked in, closed the door and left my boots in the foyer, in front of the main door, which were full of grass debris. No harm no foul. Around 5:30 p.m., I was in the kitchen waiting for her to walk in. She opened the door. The boots wouldn’t allow her to get the door completely open and the shouting began. ‘WHAT THE FUCK! WHY ARE THESE BOOTS IN THE WAY?’ We argued for hours! We didn’t speak to each other for three days and on the fourth day, she realized how bad she reacted and apologized. It took three days but at least she said, ‘thanks.'”— Henry, 46, Massachusetts

The Mysterious Phone Charger Fight

“I had a ‘drawer’ at my now-husband’s apartment, and I saw a charger plugged into the wall. I didn’t recognize it so I instantly was like, ‘What the hell?’ He’s like ‘Um, psycho, I bought you a charger for your work phone for the nights you sleep over.’ We’re 15 years strong and my phone is still never charged”. — Marnie, 34, New Jersey

The Monopoly Deal Brawl

“My partner and I love to spend time together by playing board games at cafes, so we decided one fateful evening to tackle ‘Monopoly Deal.’ We’re both naturally very competitive people, so the game, though it started lightheartedly, quickly became tense. I was on a small winning streak that flared my pride up a bit, so I began to tease him in between our turns. He got hurt, then I became upset, and we both threw the cards on the table to show that we were sick of playing with each other. For some reason this made me emotional, so I walked out, saying I didn’t even want to eat dinner. When he followed me and asked, ‘Really?’ I turned to him and said ‘No, I’m hungry, but you made me upset. So I guess we can eat.’ As soon as food entered our stomachs, the fight was long over.” — Shiwon, 24, New York

The Font Fiasco

“We recently got into a fight over the font size of a printed promotional item I was making for my business. We both prefer small font. But I was thinking of my target audience — small businesses owners, typically male between 55-65 years old — and I assumed a larger font size would be better for aging eyes. We didn’t talk all night. The next morning settled on making the font size the average.” — Sara, 28, North Carolina

A Recycling Reckoning

“I just got into an argument with my wife the other day about her not collapsing her Amazon delivery cardboard boxes before tossing them in the recycling bin. By mid-week, the bin’s typically full, and I have to pull all of her boxes out, get out the box cutter, and flatten them all down so I can put more recycling in there. The way I solved it was by saying, ‘Hey hon, I need your help collapsing the boxes in the bin so I can add more recycling to the can.’ She huffed, came down and grudgingly helped me collapse her boxes. She’s been collapsing them ever since.” — Rick, 51, California

The Mother’s Day Moment

“There was that one time I didn’t get a Mother’s Day gift for my first Mother’s Day because my husband said ‘I’m not his mother.” Our son was like, 10 months old, so obviously, my husband couldn’t get to the store. He just didn’t know that getting me the gift was his job. So he went to Albertson’s and brought home a plant. I was really mad then, but now, it’s a great story.” — Elizabeth, 48, Texas

The Laundry Disagreement

“‘You need to stop folding laundry like that.’ It is funny how your wife telling you that you don’t fold laundry well enough can turn into a full fledged argument, but that happened. My response was admittedly not the best, ‘If you don’t like how I fold laundry then you can start doing your own.’ Unfortunately her tone and criticism combined with my defensiveness led to a bigger issue. Our compromise: “Will this matter in five years?” — Josh, 32, Virginia