How to Talk Dirty Without Feeling Like a Creep

For as much as people like talking about sex, they don’t seem to share the same enthusiasm for talking during it. Sure, an occasional ooh might spill out, or, if one’s really getting into it, something a bit more explicit might appear. But few people bother developing these exclamations into anything more substantial. Whether for feelings of awkwardness or because they’re occupied in other, bendier, ways, many don’t really focus on how to talk dirty during sex.

That’s a shame. For one, some people are really turned on by dirty talk and, if that includes to your partner, well, then you probably want to give them the pleasure they want. For another, done the right way, dirty talking can really take sex to the next level. It not only tells your partner what you don’t enjoy, what you do, what you really do, but it also makes you more present in the moment. And, as your partner will likely tell you, it pays to think out loud. Here’s some advice on how to talk the (dirty) talk.

Ask Questions

If you’re at a loss for where to begin, try using that confusion to your advantage. That is to say, ask questions. “This is really basic sexy talk, but still qualifies as playing the game,” says Dana B. Myers, lifestyle expert and author of The Mommy Mojo Makeover; 28 Tools to Reclaim Your Sensuality & Reignite Your Relationship. Ask how your partner if you look sexy. Whisper in their ear where they want to be touched. Tell them to kiss you like that right there right now. Ask them anything you want. It gets you talking, and it gets the juices flowing. As in a good conversation, one movement should lead seamlessly into another.

Use Your Senses

When it comes to talking dirty, it’s important to remain relatively organic — you don’t want to sound like you’ve been running lines as though prepping for a revival of Urinetown. One way to do that is to rely on what’s happening around you. “For beginners, one of the easiest ways to engage in erotic, dirty talk is to start using descriptive phrases that involve the senses, like taste, smell, and touch,” says Myers To wade gently into the world of dirty talk, Myers suggests using such beginner phrases as, “I love how you taste,” or “That feels amazing, baby.”

Keep Things Interesting

Sex is a big part of a relationship, and relationships require compromise. “If your partner prefers to communicate with words, try to up improve your sexual communication skills a bit more,” says Myers. “Be bold and be more vocal, even in the most simple of ways. If you prefer physical signaling, simply ask your partner to follow your lead and communicate with their bodies more as well.” Myers suggests changing things up, day to day. “You don’t have to do it all in the same session, “ she says. “You could agree to only communicate with your bodies on one day. On another, you could commit to giving one another a vocal play-by-play of what you want, what you’re enjoying, what you’re fantasizing about…”

Get Text-y

Whoever said dirty talk was confined to the bedroom? “Try sending some sexy, playful text messages to your partner to build up the sexual tension throughout the day,” says Myers. She echoes something most relationship experts agree on: dirty talk is a great way to rev the engines before leaving the starting line. It’s fun to take foreplay to digital planes. Plus, per Myers, it’s a little less intimidating than starting things out, face-to-face. That way, when you do make it into the bedroom, you already have some material to go on.