100 Clean Winter Jokes Guaranteed To Cause A Meltdown
Once you start telling winter jokes, well, it’s a slippery slope.
One of the best ways to warm your heart on frigid days is with funny winter jokes. After all, when it’s cold and snowy outside, and the family is trapped inside, a robust roster of winter jokes for kids is a must-have to keep everyone from going crazy with cabin fever. A dad joke or two can help everyone make it through the day, and a few winter jokes can help kids look on the bright side no matter how little sunlight there actually is. These top snow and winter jokes for kids will get your children to laugh (and help you relax) no matter how cold it gets.
1. What do snowmen call their kids?
Chill-dren.
2. What did the icy road say to the car?
“Want to go for a spin?”
3. What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
4. What does a gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
5. Why did the girl keep her trumpet out in the snow?
She liked playing cool jazz.
6. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Icy. Icy who? Icy you!
7. How do mountains stay warm?
They put on their snowcaps.
8. What do you call it when a snowman throws a temper tantrum?
A meltdown.
9. What is a snowman’s favorite snack?
Ice krispies treats.
10. What does December have that no other month does?
The letter D.
11. Where do snowmen put their money?
Snowbanks.
12. What’s the difference between a Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
13. What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?
Frosted Flakes!
14. Where do snowmen love to dance?
At a snow ball.
15. What’s a snowman’s favorite drink?
Iced tea.
16. What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?
“Have an ice day!”
17. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
18. What can you catch with your eyes closed?
A cold.
19. Why did the girl keep her saxophone out in the snow?
She wanted to play cool jazz.
20. What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
21. Knock, knock.
Who’s there? Scold. Scold who? ‘Scold outside!
22. Why are winter days great?
They’re snow much fun!
23. Why was the blanket discouraged?
The snuggle is real.
24. What do you call a snowman in summer?
A puddle.
25. Did you hear about the snowman spy?
He has a license to chill.
26. What did one snowflake say to the other?
“You’re one of a kind.”
27. How do you warn one of Santa’s helpers?
“Check your elf before you wreck your elf.”
28. Did you hear about the rude snowman?
He didn’t carrot all.
29. What do you call a glove combined with a snake?
Smitten.
30. Did you hear about the lisping snowman?
He came, the thaw, he conquered.
31. Why do Klingons prefer winter for cooking?
Their dishes are best served cold.
32. I warned him about starting his own ski resort.
It’s a slippery slope.
33. No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
34. What did the sign say in the reindeer stable?
“There’s snow place like home.”
35. Did you hear about the politicians whose best speeches were outdoors in the winter?
He could really turn a freeze.
36. Why is Frosty never late?
Time waits for snow man.
37. Why is it hard to ski after a fresh snow?
With great powder comes great responsibility.
38. What did one skier say to the other?
“Alpine for you when you’re gone.”
39. What did the Austrian skier yell when he sprained his ankle?
“Alp!”
40. What do you call a snowman having a temper tantrum?
A meltdown.
41. What do you call a winter monster with a six-pack?
Abdominal snowman.
42. What do yeti on diets eat?
Iceberg lettuce.
43. How do you decorate a snowman’s cake?
Lots of icing.
44. How do you make up a snowman’s bed?
Fresh sheets of ice and a thick blanket of snow.
45. Why can’t you trust snowmen?
They’re real flakes.
46. Why are snowmen great at parties?
They always break the ice.
47. How does a snowman convince someone he’s serious?
“Snow joke!”
48. What’s the scariest part of owing Santa money?
He snows where you live.
49. What do you call an igloo without a bathroom?
IG (no loo).
50. What did the dog musher say when he got lost?
“I’ve sled us astray.”
51. Did you hear about the man buried alive under a sudden snowstorm?
He was feeling under the weather.
52. What do you call one day below freezing and the next day at 70 degrees?
“It’s snowing today, but water you doing tomorrow?”
53. How do you build a snow fort?
You igloo it together.
54. Why are wintertime fortune tellers so reliable?
They can see what is mitten in the stars.
55. Did you hear about the snowman who fell in love with a mitten?
It was glove at first sight.
56. What advice should you give to snow moving to the big city?
Flake it till you make it.
57. What do you call a snowman’s dog?
A slushpuppy.
58. What do computers wear in the winter?
Snow-boots.
59. What kind of robots live in Antarctica?
Snow-bots.
60. Did you hear about the kid who was hit in the head with a snowball?
It knocked him out cold.
61. What do superheroes put in their drinks?
Just-ice.
62. What do you call a snowman in the produce aisle?
Nose shopping.
63. What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
64. What’s a snowman’s favorite condiment?
Chilly sauce.
65. What do you get when you cross cold with anger?
A brr-grrr.
66. What do you call it when a reindeer ignores you?
The cold shoulder.
67. What do snowmen change into when it warms up?
Puddles.
68. What’s a sled dog’s favorite time at school?
Snow-and-tell.
69. What do you call a snowman in summer?
Water.
70. What do you call a snowman’s kids?
Chill-dren.
71. What’s the best self-defense against an angry snowman?
A hairdryer.
72. What do you put over a reindeer’s crib?
A snow-mobile.
73. What does a mountain wear on its head?
A snowcap.
74. What do you call a penguin that steals calamari?
A squid-napper.
75. Why don’t penguins fly?
They’re not tall enough to be pilots.
76. Who’s at the door?
It’s snowbody.
77. What did the salad say to get inside?
“Lettuce in! It’s freezing out here!”
78. What did the man say from outside the window?
“Icy you!”
79. What do you call a photo of the North Pole?
A polar-oid.
80. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
You have to hollow out the head.
81. Why did the two snowmen divorce?
One thought the other was a flake.
82. Why do penguins swim in saltwater?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
83. Where’s the warmest place in the South Pole?
On a map.
84. Where does a bird have the most feathers in winter?
On the outside.
85. What do you call a wintertime hip-hop artist?
Frozen-T.
86. What did the penguin say when it swam into a wall?
“Dam!”
87. What do you call a reindeer without eyes?
No eye deer (no idea).
88. What did the icy road say to the car?
“Want to take a spin?”
89. What do trees say after a long winter?
“What a re-leaf.”
90. What do you call 50 penguins in the Arctic?
Very lost.
91. Why do polar bears live alone?
They like to ice-olate themselves.
92. What do you call an igloo without a toilet?
An “ig.”
93. Which one is faster, hot or cold?
Hot. You can catch a cold.
94. What do you call a slow skier?
A slope-poke.
95. Who delivers the Christmas presents to baby sharks?
Santa Jaws.
96. How did the archer shoot arrows in the cold weather?
He used the snowbows.
97. Why do seals like to swim in saltwater?
Because they don't really like chilly water.
98. Why can't the snow climb up a ladder?
Because the snow falls.
99. Why did the hipster keep his iPod outside during the winter?
Because he liked to listen to cool music.
100. What happens when the snowman cannot see properly?
The snowman rubs his ice!
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